


Future Rust and Future Dust

by TowardTheStars



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Infinity War? what's that?, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Romance, Shuri really wants Bucky to be happy, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve isn't good with emotions, They make friendship bracelets together, Wakanda (Marvel), random movie references included with no extra charge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2020-04-07 06:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19079422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TowardTheStars/pseuds/TowardTheStars
Summary: Shuri rarely comes across problems she can’t solve. However, that was before Bucky Barnes was thrown into her life.Now, she’s determined to make Bucky happy, but he's haunted by an anguish that revolves around his best friend, Steve Rogers. An anguish Shuri is willing to do anything to resolve.T'Challa always said she was too stubborn for her own good.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title of the work is inspired by the song 'Spanish Sahara' by Foals. Sam with the lyrics quoted at the start of the chapter. It's my quintessential Stucky song. 
> 
> Here's the link to my Stucky inspired playlist, so feel free to give it a listen while reading along: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/457zscABw96iBTiLu92H1p

                               _Now the waves they drag you down_

_Carry you to broken ground_

_Though I'll find you in the sand_

_Wipe you clean with dirty hands_

             Shuri rarely came across a problem she couldn’t solve. With enough time and effort, she could usually scrap together a solution. That was until James Buchanan Barnes entered her life.

            Steve Rogers in all his beautiful hunkiness had brought the frightened man to Wakanda and pleaded for their help. T’Challa couldn’t refuse him and tasked Shuri with saving the man from decades of brainwashing.

            It was a problem that took her months to solve. She left him in Cyro as she scanned through his mind, untangling threads and rooting out the years of torture. She became an expert in neuroscience along the way, and like any problem, eventually solved it.

            When she finally brought him out of cryo, he had sat silently for an hour, his eyes downcast and so still he could have been dead. Shuri had waited patiently for him to break out of the stupor.

The man finally moved, his features slowly and uncomfortably twisting into a grimace. It was like he had forgotten what it meant to display emotion. When she first caught sight of the man’s eyes, the absolute horror and heartbreak that resided in them gutted her.

“I’m sorry,” she stuttered, floored by emotion.

            “Why?” he rasped. He gripped his pants tightly, his knuckles turning white. He breathed shallowly and licked his lips.

            “I don’t know,” Shuri replied, and she truly didn’t. “I’m Shuri,” she had offered.

            “I…” the man began, breaking off and swallowing hard. “I…” he tried again but to no avail.

            “I can call you Bucky if you’d like.” The man frowned, obviously uncomfortable. “Or not.”

            “No, Bucky is fine,” the man said quietly, his gaze returning to the floor.

            “It’s nice to meet you, Bucky. I’m sure you have a lot of questions.”

            Bucky swallowed again. His hands tightened reflexively. “Steve?” he asked softly. Something in his tone made Shuri pause.

            “He’s okay. Last time I heard, he was with Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov, and Sharon Carter in Washington D.C. I’m going to notify him of this, so he should be back in Wakanda within a week or two.”

            Bucky nodded slowly. “Okay.” And with that, he fell silent.

            Shuri tapped her fingers against the table. “So, you want to know anything else?”

            Bucky avoided her gaze. He bit his lip. “Why am I not dead?”

            The question took Shuri aback. “Why would you be?’

            Bucky took a moment to respond. “I’m dangerous.”

            Shuri shook her head. “Not anymore. Not like before. Or else I wouldn’t have woken you up.”

            “So it worked?” Bucky asked, the hope in his voice too fragile for her to bear.

            “Yes. I can’t say it’s perfect and there are some kinks I’ll need to work out, but congrats! You’re no longer a brainwashed assassin of a super evil secret Nazi cult.”

            Bucky looked up at her, the disbelief bare on his face. A flurry of emotions shifted across his eyes and Shuri struggled to categorize them. Shock, disbelief, gratitude, but also pain and concern and hope.

            “Thank you,” he said, and he repeated it again for emphasis. Shuri smiled.

            “Of course, White Wolf.”

            “White Wolf?”

            Shuri shrugged. “It seems to fit. Black Panther, White Wolf. We like our neutrally colored animals in Wakanda. Now let’s get you something to eat.”

            A small smile hesitantly crossed Bucky’s face, and Shuri repressed a groan. That one gesture cut straight to her heart and goddammit if she wasn’t going to do everything in her power to make him happy again.

* * *

 

            The week passed quickly. A kink concerning T’Challa’s suit consumed her attention, but she spent her spare time with Bucky.

            He was painfully quiet and reserved, and Shuri had to drag the conversation out of him. Luckily, she could talk for hours about her research, and Bucky seemed to enjoy the technical talk. He watched her carefully and would ask hesitant questions. He seemed his most relaxed when Shuri was complaining about the plank constant that was messing with the output of kinetic energy from the Black Panther suit or anything else that was overly technical and deficiently emotional or personal.

            He moved gingerly and slowly as if every movement had the potential to hurt someone. And it probably did. T’Challa had expressed her concern about her spending so much time with someone as dangerous as him, but Shuri had never played it safe and wasn’t about to start now.

            No, she was too consumed by her mission to understand and help Bucky. That’s what spending months deep in someone’s brain would do to you. T’Challa gave her his patented concerned look, and Shuri had flipped him off.

            In the first week, he held himself as a defeated man. He was pliant and careful and would gaze at with Shuri with frightened eyes. He offered no resistance to her, and Shuri couldn’t help but feel as if he regarded her as his handler. She hated it.

            However, tension began to settle into Bucky. He became sharp and hard and even more unresponsive. Shuri knew it was to be expected, but it worried her. She started to implement a therapy program for him before he self-destructed. These thoughts filled her mind the days leading up to Steve Rogers visit.

            Bucky radiated tension when he first saw Steve walk down from the jet. Shuri shifted uncomfortably and added teaching meditation and yoga to her ‘How make a brainwashed ex-assassin happy’ list.

            “Bucky,” Steve had said, a bright smile spreading across his face. Shuri had forgotten just how good looking a man he was and knew she needed to thank T’Challa for bringing him to Wakanda. She heard Bucky drew in a sharp breath beside her.

            “Steve,” he said slowly. He stared intensely at the man before breaking his gaze away.

            “How are you doing?” Steve asked, closing the distance between them. His arms hung awkwardly by his side.

            Bucky cleared his throat. “Better. Don’t feel like I should go around murdering people.”

            Steve smiled again and stepped forward to draw Bucky into a hug. Shuri caught the look of panic on his face and the rigidity in his stance. Steve pulled back and clapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

            “I’m glad to see you’re okay. I’ve missed you, Buck.”

            Bucky swallowed hard and ducked his head down. “I’ve missed you too, Steve. I’m…I’m sorry it had to be like this.”

            “Buck, I have you back. I don’t care what it happens to be like.”

            Bucky nodded, but he bit his lip. Steve looked like he wanted to say more. Instead, he turned to Shuri.

            “Thank you. Really. I can’t ever repay you for what you’ve done,” he said, focused solely on her. Shuri felt like she might faint. She hadn’t had it this bad since she met Base Tamvu.

            “Luckily, he wasn’t that much of a pain in the ass, or I might have reconsidered,” Shuri joked, and Steve laughed. What, were those butterflies? “I was happy to help, Cap.”

            Steve smiled warmly and turned back to the jet. Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanov lingered behind him, along with a blond woman Shuri identified as Sharon Carter.

            Sam Wilson walked up to them. “You aren’t going to try to kill me again?”

            “Not unless you annoy me,” Bucky shot back, and Shuri was taken aback by the sharp contrast. The Bucky she knew was frightened and reserved and certainly didn’t joke. But this man was making an effort. He was trying to sound normal, to be the man he used to be.

            “I give you ten minutes. Tops,” Natasha said, smiling at Bucky too. “Glad to see you’re okay. Wakanda’s been treating you well?”

            “Hey,” Shuri objected, “I haven’t made him eat our local delicacy yet. We’ve been treating him just fine.”

            “Local delicacy?” Natasha raised an eyebrow.

            “It’s called assata. I won’t tell you what’s in it because then you won’t ever eat it.”

            “Do be careful, Bucky. I don’t like the look on her face,” Natasha warned, and Bucky smiled tightly.

            Sharon Carter stood observing the conversation, but with the break, she stepped forward and extended her hand. “I don’t think we’ve ever met officially. I’m Sharon Carter.”

            Bucky regarded her hand, and his fingers twitched. He made no movement to reciprocate, and she dropped her hand. “I’m Bucky,” he said, and Sharon smiled.

            “Steve’s told me a lot about you.”

            Bucky nodded, biting his lip again. The tension was back, and she could feel him mentally withdrawing.

            “Anyway,” Shuri cut in. “I thought the rest of you might be hungry. I’ve set up a lunch in the throne room.”

            “You’re not feeding us assata, are you?” Natasha smirked, and Shuri played into mock innocence.

            “Of course not. Just some hamburgers and hotdogs and whatever you Americans like to eat.”

            “Sounds good with me,” Sam beamed.

            “I might stay a little longer,” Steve said, positioning himself closer to Bucky.

            An unspoken agreement passed through the four of them, and Shuri led them into the building. Sharon lingered a moment more, laying a hand on Steve’s arm. Bucky watched the movement with a scary intensity, and Shuri frowned.

            They were out of her sight before she could think any more of it.

            Shuri, Sam, Natasha, and Sharon enjoyed the lunch, and after a while, Steve and Bucky reappeared. Steve’s face was set and his brow furrowed. Bucky followed a few steps behind him, his face downcast and his teeth worrying at his lips.

            They sat down silently, and Natasha and Sam exchanged a meaningful glance. The awkwardness made Shuri want to curl up and die. Obviously, neither man had the reunion they wanted.

            The lunch finished in the uncomfortable silence, and Steve glanced at his phone, before sighing.

            “Wanda is requesting some assistance. Can’t seem to shake the CIA.” He turned to Bucky. “I’m sorry, Buck. I wanted to stay longer. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

            Bucky forced a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s okay. I understand. I’m glad to see you again, Steve.” The words were mechanical.

            Steve stepped forward and drew Bucky into another hug, but this one lacked the warmth of the previous. He thanked Shuri once again, apologized for his exit, and then led the other three out of the room. On the way out, Sharon grabbed Steve’s hand and held it. Bucky’s gazed followed it until they finally disappeared from sight.

            Shuri sighed and stood next to Bucky. “I’m guessing that didn’t go as you wanted it too.”

            Bucky didn’t respond, and Shuri glanced over at him. His eyes were blank, betraying no sign of life. Shuri couldn’t do it like this. Hopefully, Bucky wouldn’t try to kill over what she was about to do.

            She walked up to Bucky and grabbed his face between her two hands. “Look at me,” she ordered, and Bucky’s steely blue eyes met hers. “I know you want to shut down. You don’t want to deal with me. With this. But I didn’t spend four months in your head to watch you tear yourself apart. And I won’t let you.”

            “Put me back in Cryo,” Bucky whispered, anguish filling his eyes.

            “Why?”

            “Because I’m dead. Or I should be dead. I shouldn’t have come back. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

            “No,” Shuri said definitively. “That’s not true.”

            Bucky stared down at her and his shoulders slumped. “Yes, it is. Steve knows it.”

            Ahh, Shuri thought. There it is.

            “Steve knows that he’s found you, okay? He found you after thinking you were dead for years. And I know he would rather have you back than anything else.” Shuri paused. “No one ever said this would be easy, Bucky. The stuff that happened to you, you don’t get over it in a week. Getting you out of Cyro was just the start. But we’re not going to let it end before it even begins.”

            Bucky drew in a breath. “You’re wasting your time,” he said quietly, his shoulders trembling.

            “I’ve done plenty of things to waste my time. But you’re not one of them. We’re going to get through this. Together. And you’re going to do that by talking to me. I don’t care what it’s about, but you can’t shut down on me.”

            Bucky bit his lip, his eyes darting around the room. “What if we can’t do it?” he asked. “What if I…”

            “Well, we won’t know until we try. You owe it to yourself, Bucky. To yourself and to Steve.”

            The name cut through Bucky, and his eyes closed. He shuddered, and when he finally looked back at Shuri, his eyes were dark and distant.

            “We’re doing this together, okay?” Shuri added after a moment.

            “Together,” Bucky repeated hoarsely.

            “Now have I shown you the Royal Library?” Shuri said, drastically changing the direction of the conversation. Bucky blinked.

            “I…no,” he said confused.

            “Nope, that's gotta change,” Shuri declared, stepping back and walking towards the door. She could feel Bucky’s eyes on her and after a few seconds, heard the sound of his feet as he followed her.

* * *

 

            After the royal library and a forcibly light conversation about the architecture, Shuri returned to the palace, and Bucky retreated to his room. Shuri collapsed into a chair, exhausted.

            The White Wolf would not make things easy for her. She couldn’t expect him to either, and while today’s conversation had sapped her, it was crucial if Bucky was to trust her. She knew she shouldn’t become so emotionally invested in the damaged man, but she couldn’t resist. The fragile hope in his eyes was too much for her to resist.

             She worried for him as something had clearly gone wrong today. The tearful, joyful reunion between him and Cap had never materialized. Instead, they dripped with a pained awkwardness.

            Shuri paused a moment before pulling up security footage in front of her. She hoped this wasn’t a betrayal of trust, but she itched to know. Her curiosity was too much for her.

            “Footage. Search Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, today at 11:30 AM.” The program beeped and pulled up the video recording. They had moved into a small room in the palace and stared at each other. “Play footage,” she stated, leaning forward.

_“Bucky,” Steve said, pacing the room. “I should have come sooner. I’m sorry.”_

_Bucky shook his head, his face hidden from the camera. “No, it’s okay. I needed time for myself.”_

_“Do you…do you feel better?”_

_Bucky tilted his head. “I don’t know. I don’t feel like I could lose control, but…it’s not easy.”_

_Steve nodded sympathetically. “Bucky,” he began, a pained expression on his face. “If I had known…”_

_“But you didn’t.”_

_“Even still, Buck, I’m sorry.”_

_Bucky was silent for a long moment. “Have you talked to Stark?”_

_“No,” Steve sighed. “I can’t. Not yet.”_

_“Steve,” Bucky said, something twisting his voice. “He was right to hate me.”_

_“It wasn’t you. The man that did that, it wasn’t you,” Steve protested, and Bucky’s shoulders slumped._

_“Steve…” Bucky began._

_“No, Buck. You had no control. You didn’t choose to do that.”_

_“It was still me,” Bucky whispered, and Cap stilled._

_“Buck…”_

_“You’re seeing Carter,” Bucky interjected. Cap paused._

_“Yeah, I am,” he conceded._

_“Good. You need someone like her.”_

_“Like her?”_

_“Someone good. Kind. Well-meaning.”_

_“Bucky…” Cap began again, but a look from Bucky cut him off._

_“I’m happy for you,” Bucky continued, but something dark hid in his voice. Cap blinked._

_“Thanks. We’re trying to figure out a way to mitigate the damage from the accords. Make me a public hero again, and all that.”_

_“What would we do without Captain America?” Bucky said bitterly, and his shoulders tensed._

_Cap looked at a loss for words._

_They stood in silence for a while, until Bucky spoke again._

_“I’m not him,” he stated his voice low. Cap’s brow furrowed._

_“I know,” he replied._

_“I can’t promise you anything.”_

_“I’m not asking you too,” Cap said, taking a step closer to Bucky. Bucky flinched back._

_“They tortured me with you, you know,” he said breathlessly. Cap froze. “Didn’t tell me you were gone. Laughed at me when I said you would rescue me. They knew you weren’t coming, and finally, when it became unbearable, they told me what happened. With you. In the ice. Dead. They knew they could use you to hurt me, and they did. They did until I was so gone it didn’t matter.”_

_"Bucky,” Cap said, anguish consuming his expression._

_“Jesus, Steve. I thought you had left me. Abandoned me. Found your girl and forgot your dead war buddy. Even now,” Bucky continued his voice breaking._

_Guilt filled Cap’s face, and he took a step closer to Bucky. Bucky stepped back._

_“No, Steve. I can’t do this just yet. I can’t handle what you want from me.”_

_“I want you,” Cap protested. Bucky shook his head._

_“No, you don’t. You don’t want that.” Bucky paused and then glanced up at Cap. “If you wanted that, you wouldn’t have left me to fend on my own.”_

_Cap winced. “I tried to find you.”_

_“You didn’t try very hard,” Bucky hissed, his fist clenching. His shoulders shook._

_“Bucky…”Cap began again, guilt marring his voice._

_“It’s okay. I understand. You have other people who need you now.”_

_“Do…” Cap breathed deeply. “Do you still want me to come here?”_

_“Do you?” Bucky shot back, and Cap winced again._

_“Of course. I’m with you to-“_

_“Don’t,” Bucky cut him off. “Don’t.”_

_The two men fell silent as they regarded each other. Words unspoken passed between them until they walked to the door together and out of the screen._

            “Shit,” Shuri muttered, believing the word was best equipped to capture the emotion of the situation. “Shit.” She had a lot of work to do. She couldn’t stand to watch one more minute of heartbreak on Captain America’s face.


	2. Chapter 2

Time passed. Bucky’s therapy continued, but it had proven difficult; seventy years of trauma doesn’t heal overnight. Shuri watched him struggle, watched his eyes growing darker. It frustrated to her that she couldn’t reach through that darkness, so she decided that the next best option was to bother Bucky endlessly with her presence and hopefully make him see past those years with Hydra. She would show him a life that didn’t end in a fight. One where happiness and peace was a possibility.

To do so, Shuri started spending hours with him, neglecting her other duties. T’Challa again expressed his disapproval, but Shuri shrugged him off. Bucky deserved kindness, and she wasn’t about to abandon him.

They had taken to sitting by the water together, watching the sun sink low into the ground. Shuri would take him to her lab where he sat quietly as she worked, blabbering on about quantum theory and neural networking. She led him through the forest, and he seemed to breathe life anew in the sun. She led him through the streets of the city, making him eat a wide variety of food. He had no proclivity for the spicy but reveled the different tastes. He had quietly remarked that Hydra had fed him flavorless sludge, and his face when he had first bit into a mango had been euphoric.

He would smile at Shuri and laugh at her jokes. He would sleep some nights without nightmares. In rare moments, Bucky’s eyes would flutter shut contented.

But he was never happy.

Shuri couldn’t put her finger on it. She could understand it if the unhappiness stemmed from his guilt or PTSD, but she couldn’t shake a feeling it was more than that. There was a heartbreak in him that seemed untouched by Hydra. It came from somewhere deeper.

She would watch him closely and analyze his responses. It was a problem, and one she was determined to solve. She thought about it constantly as they continued with the treatments and Bucky slowly made progress and opened up to her.

* * *

 

 “Good morning,” Shuri called out cheerily, smiling as Bucky flipped her off. He lay belly down on his bed, face smushed into pillows, and with almost too many blankets to keep track of. She had teased him at first over who could ever need this many blankets in the African heat, but Bucky had said he always felt cold, and she had shut up.

“Go away,” Bucky groaned. It had been almost three months since Steve and his crew had visited. He had been back once after that, but the visit felt like it was out of propriety. Bucky had seemed miserable afterward, and Shuri had to take him to the Babu waterfall to brighten his mood.

“That’s not very nice,” Shuri replied. Bucky groaned again and buried himself under the blankets. “The festival starts in thirty minutes; we’ve got to get moving.”

“Don’t you have anyone else you could force to go?” the mound of blankets said.

“Since I spend all my time with a semi-stable 90-year-old man, no. I don’t. Now come on. Rise and shine,” Shuri shot back, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at the mound of blankets. The mound stirred and a disgruntled head popped out.

“You need to make some friends,” Bucky replied, his eyes narrowed in concern.

“You’re my friend,” Shuri responded without thinking. Bucky’s face froze, and he blinked rapidly. “Come on, you idiot. Don’t give me that look.”

“Does that mean we need friendship bracelets?” Bucky joked quietly, his insecurity hindering his humor. Shuri threw another pillow at him.

“Don’t ask stupid questions. Of course it does. But _after_ the festival.”

“Can’t we just stay here?” Bucky griped.

“No, because we’re going to have fun today. Also, I’m the princess and have to make an appearance and all that bullshit.”

Bucky regarded her silently for a moment. “Fine,” he conceded. He threw the blankets off of him and stood up. He retreated into the bathroom and emerged in a few minutes, dressed in a casual tunic and half his hair done up in a bun. He arched an eyebrow at her and gestured towards the door. “Lead the way.”

Shuri rolled her eyes and walked out. Bucky followed silently beside her. His training as an assassin meant he was very good at sneaking around, and it had scared the shit out of Shuri more times than she would like to admit. They chatted on the way out of the palace and into the crowded streets. The festival was already in full swing, but the main event was scheduled in thirty minutes, and Shuri wouldn’t miss it for the world. Ever since she was young, the elaborate movements of the warriors from all the tribes had enthralled her.

Out in the streets, Bucky stuck out like a sore thumb, and the people whispered about him. He kept his eyes downcast and his movements short and stiff. Shuri knew he despised crowds, but over the months, she had gotten very good at making him do things he hated.

They wandered around the stands, and Shuri reacted excitedly towards every interesting looking object. Bucky entertained her, bemused by her actions. A smile cracked across his face, and his eyes began to do the crinkly thing they did when he was enjoying himself.

Out of the corner of her eye, Shuri caught sight of an Avenger’s themed stand. Their international fame had extended here, and a group of citizens had professed their love for the group. T’Challa found it terribly amusing. Shuri contemplated if she could force Bucky into a Captain America themed shirt and decided it was worth the challenge.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him over to the stand. They parted the crowd and reached the stand. The woman at the stand smiled brightly at them.

“It is an honor to have you visit. Can I interest you in the newest release of Time magazine?”

Shuri took a bite out of the mango she had bought at one of the previous stands. “I was wondering if you had any Captain America themed stuff.”

“Of course! Captain America is my favorite Avenger,” the woman gushed, glancing at Bucky. Bucky scoffed quietly behind her.

“Well I want a shirt, and I want it his size,” Shuri said, gesturing at Bucky. His face immediately turned from amused to annoyed.

“I’m not wearing it,” Bucky declared, and Shuri smiled up at him.

“Okay!” she said, obviously not meaning it. Bucky gulped.

The woman pulled out a shirt with Cap’s shield placed front and center.

“Perfect! How much will that be?”

The woman quoted the price and then turned to grab a magazine. “I’m happy to include this for just a few more dollars. It’s just been published and it’s about Captain America. I’m sure the two of you would enjoy it!”

Shuri shrugged. “Sure,” she said, catching sight of the cover as the woman handed it over. Bucky tensed beside her.

In large font, the words _AMERICA’S COUPLE: THE LOVE OF STEVE ROGER AND SHARON CARTER_ sprawled across the page. A picture of the two of them gazing lovingly at each other filled the rest of the space.

Bucky quietly let out a pained moan and stumbled backward. Shuri turned to him and watched in alarm as he blinked rapidly and tore at his lip. His eyes were filled with alarm, and he looked at her pleadingly. The alarm across his face spurred Shuri to action; Bucky had never taken Cap’s romance well, but this was something else. The fear in his eyes hinted at something deeper. Something unraveling.

Shuri grabbed Bucky’s hand and yanked him through the crowd. He crushed her hand in his, bringing tears of pain to her eyes. They pushed through people, scrambling around stands. Bucky drew in frantic breaths behind her and started to breathlessly ramble in Russian. Shuri couldn’t catch the words, but the panic was evident.

They raced to the palace, and when they arrived, she threw open the first door she saw. She pulled Bucky into a small conference room and slammed the door beside her. Bucky’s grip on her hand had tightened, and she bit her lip to keep from shouting out.

“Hey, hey,” Shuri began desperately. “Hey, it’s okay. Breathe, breathe.” The man had turned from her, his head hanging down.

“убирайся” he growled, lessening his grip on her hand. Shuri looked at him with eyes wide with panic and yanked her hand away. “убирайся!” He shouted, his shoulders shaking against the strain. He turned to her, and Shuri felt ice course through her. His eyes were eerily blank, his face smoothed out. There was no sign of recognition or emotion - just a blankness. He took a step closer to her, and in the blink of an eye, had grabbed her by the throat and tightened his grip. Shuri choked and scrambled against his hands. She clawed at him, but no sign of pain flickered across his face. Just that eerie blankness.

This, she thought, was the Winter Solider. She tried to cry out, but she couldn’t force any sound. The edges of her vision started to go black, and her body screamed for oxygen. She desperately reached for her bracelet and as her vision started to fade, slammed down the button that emitted an electrical charge. The Winter Soldier was thrown backward, but stumbled quickly to his feet, and surged back at her.

Shuri let out a mangled sound of fear and sprinted towards the door. She made it out, throwing the door shut behind her and with a word, triggering the security protocol that locked it. She scrambled away, running down the hall. The locked door would only deter the Winter Solider, not stop him.

She pulled up T’Challa on her intercom. “Brother,” she shouted, and he stared at her in alarm.

“Shuri, what is it?”

“Programming has defaulted on Bucky. He’s not himself. Dangerous.”

“I will be there. Are you safe?”

“For now,” Shuri gasped, rounding a corner. She didn’t hear anything behind her. “Hurry, T’Challa.”

The intercom broke off. Shuri opened a door blindly but paused before she hid in it. She still didn’t hear anything. Was he even in pursuit? Her rationality screamed at her to hide, but her gut stopped her.

“Bucky?” She called out, hating the tremor in her voice. “White Wolf?”

No response.

She turned back down the hallway and took hesitant steps. She tensed, preparing for him to jump out at any point, but the hallway was silent.

“Bucky?” she tried again. She continued down the hallway, rounding the corner. Her breaths came out in sharp gasps, and she tried to slow it down. The adrenaline was hitting her hard.

She continued down, feeling hyper-aware of every sound and movement. Her eyes scanned the hallway. She walked closer to the door, her hand tensed over her bracelet in case she needed to shock him again. It wouldn’t do much but could buy her some time.

She reached the door and her hand hovered over the knob. She sucked in a deep breath and was about to utter the word to unlock the door when the sound of T’Challa shouting “Shuri,” halted her.

“T’Challa,” she called out as he sprinted towards her.

“Where is he?” T’Challa’s suit disguised his face, but she could hear the alarm in his voice. “He hurt you,” he stated, looking at her neck. Shuri gulped, wincing.

“He’s not himself,” she defended weakly. “He’s in here. At least, I think so.”

“Step back,” T’Challa ordered, tapping the necklace that expanded into his suit and unsheathing his claws. Shuri pressed her back against the opposing wall and watched as he unlocked the door and threw it open. He stepped inside, crouching. A moment of silence. Then a flash of red as a fist came careening towards T’Challa’s face. He was thrown out of the doorway and Shuri’s line of sight, and she cried out. She resented herself for not keeping the kill-switch code in Bucky. She was so certain he needed to maintain his autonomy, but now both he and her brother were going to suffer for it.

A flash of a red tunic as the Solider ran to tackle T’Challa. The sound of flesh hitting flesh, and before she could think twice, Shuri ran into the room. She cocked her hand and sent off a burst of electricity. It threw the Solider off of T’Challa, who then sprung to his feet and pounced on the Solider.

The Solider struggled, landing several more punches on T’Challa. His suit absorbed the energy and glowed purple in response. T’Challa regained his rhythm and began to dodge, striking at the Soldier and tearing a gash across his chest.

“T’Challa!” Shuri cried out. Despite everything, the man was still Bucky. She understood how much it must have hurt Cap to fight him.

T’Challa ducked another swing from the Solider and struck upwards, catching the Solider in the jaw. He glanced back at Shuri, the black eyes soulless. The Soldier lunged at him, and T’Challa just managed to step back. In the same movement, the Soldier had grabbed a pen from the table, flipped it in his hand, and let T’Challa land a blow on him as he surged forward, tackling T’Challa to the ground and stabbing the pen into his neck. Shuri realized in horror that the pen was perfectly placed to rupture the aorta and cause a mortal wound. If it wasn’t for the Black Panther suit, T’Challa could have died.

However, because of the Black Panther suit, the pen snapped upon impact, and T’Challa cut across the Soldier’s chest again. The Soldier growled, ramming his fist into T’Challa’s face. He lay there dazed from the punch, and the Winter Soldier moved to repeat the action.

If this continued, one of the men would die. Shuri couldn’t watch that happen. She _couldn’t._ She frantically thought over how she could stop the Soldier. She had eliminated the kill-switch, but if he had reverted to his original programming…Shuri tried to remember the words, but they were obscure and in Russian, and she had forgotten them once she eliminated that strand in his brain.

“Think,” she muttered to herself. “You stupid girl, think.” The Soldier landed another punch on T’Challa, who struggled against the man. The Solider continued, heaving. The kinetic energy was building in the Black Panther, but if he released it, she would be caught in the blast.

She either had to think of a solution in the next five seconds or run as fast and as far as she could. Her mind raced, and then there was that gut feeling to just speak, to say- “солдат, отчет о миссии”.

The Solider immediately paused, mid-punch, giving T’Challa enough time to scramble out from underneath him and throwing himself on top of the Solider, trapping his throat in a chokehold. The Soldier grabbed at his arms, but couldn’t break the hold. He threw himself backward, but T’Challa held firm, and the Soldier’s eyes finally rolled back as he passed out.

T’Challa pulled himself out from underneath the unconscious man. He pulled the mask back and stared at Shuri with wide, adrenaline-filled eyes.

“What was that?” he asked, the sound coming out in one breath. He stumbled forward and leaned on the table for support.

Shuri rushed forward and supported him by the arm. “He…He regressed into the Hydra programming. I thought I had gotten rid of it all, but I must have missed something. Or he was triggered enough that it overrode my attempts.”

“Will he wake up Hydra?”

“I don’t know. We should restrain him just in case,” Shuri admitted, and T’Challa nodded. He regarded the man, and Shuri could feel what he was about to say next. She couldn’t lose Bucky. He was her friend, god damn it.

“What triggered him?” T’Challa asked, his eyes somber. “If he’s so easily triggered…”

“He’s not. He’s not,” Shuri repeated for emphasis.

 “Then what was it?” T’Challa continued impatiently.

 “He…” Shuri began, biting her lip. This was personal to Bucky. A secret he kept hidden even from her. And on her part, it was speculation. Pretty certain speculation, but speculation all the same.  “We were at the festival and saw that a magazine had published a story about Sharon Cater and Steve Rogers. With a romantic focus. He wasn’t prepared. It hit him harder than he expected. His emotional state is in shatters already, so this must have triggered something deep inside him. We ran back to the palace, where he went blank.”

“He’s dangerous,” T’Challa stated bluntly. Shuri stared at her brother.

 “We knew that from the beginning.”

 “If he’s not someone we can be sure is safe…” T’Challa continued, the suggestion lingering in the air.

“He’s not something to be controlled,” Shuri hissed back. “We’ve made tremendous progress. This is a setback, but I won’t abandon him over it.”

 "He could have killed you.”

  “He didn’t,” Shuri protested. “Brother, I know you don’t understand this. But I can’t abandon him for this. He’s going to wake up scared, and he needs someone. He wants to change. To not be who he was created to be. And just because this happened, doesn’t mean that changes. I’ll be more careful, I’ll figure out what’s wrong, but I _won’t_ abandon him.”

 T’Challa regarded her, his eyes sympathetic. “I understand. But you must be careful, Shuri. This man is dangerous, and despite everything, can hurt and kill you. I need to know you’re aware of that.”

“Yes, yes, I am,” Shuri said, rubbing her throat. Her eyes flicked over to the unconscious man.

“Tell Steve Rogers,” T’Challa ordered.

“What?” Shuri asked startled.

“He needs to know,” T’Challa elaborated. He took his bracelet and tapped in some orders to summon guards.

 After a moment, Shuri agreed. After this, she couldn’t longer pretend ignorance. She couldn’t watch as the most important relationship in Bucky’s life was destroyed. And if that meant forcing a love confession from a previously-frozen ninety-year-old, then that was what she would do.

* * *

 

Bucky woke up slowly, dazed and confused. He tried to sit up, but restraints kept his arms pinned down. Fear flickered across his face, but he made no further moves to struggle against the restraints. Instead, he lay there passively, his breathing shallow.

“Bucky?” Shuri said hopefully from the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

Bucky licked his lips. “What happened?” he rasped, his eyes desperately searching for hers. Shuri let out a sigh of relief; these weren’t the vacant eyes from earlier. He pulled against the restraints again. “What did I do?” he whispered, dread filling his voice.

“You relapsed,” Shuri stated quietly. Bucky flinched. “You were triggered, and it set you back to the Winter Soldier.”

Bucky couldn’t keep the horror from his voice. “Did I…did I hurt anyone?” Shuri reached up and rubbed at her neck. The bruising had gone down significantly after she applied some cream, but the pain lingered. Bucky followed her movements and squeezed his eyes shut.

“You got me a little bit. Did a pretty good job against T’Challa, but he stopped you before you could hurt anyone else.”

Bucky shuddered.

“You know, it’s not very nice to strangle a friend,” Shuri joked, desperate for some levity. Bucky opened his eyes and stared at her in anguish.

“Why am I still here? Why aren’t…?” he trailed off.

“You had a setback. But that doesn’t mean it’s over.”

“I could hurt you again,” he protested, his eyes flashing with alarm. “I can’t, _you_ can’t risk that.”

“Trust me, T’Challa already made that clear. I’m well aware that you could probably kill me with your pinky. But it won’t be a problem anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked, his hand tightening into a fist.

Shuri looked at him sympathetically. “I’m completely against this in theory, but I did some research while you were getting your beauty sleep and found one of your kill switches. I thought I had gotten rid of it, but your relapse shook some of your neural pathways and it looks like it’s still there. I have to say five words, and you’re out of it, Winter Soldier or not.”

“Good,” Bucky declared. “Use them,” he said forcibly. “No matter what.”

Shuri nodded. “Hopefully, I won’t have too. But yeah, if you go crazy again, I’ll be there to stop you. Now, since it looks like you aren’t trying to kill me, I’m going get rid of the restraints.” Bucky remained still as she undid them, muttering a brief apology.

Bucky sat up, his brow furrowed. Shuri leaned back in her chair, summoning the nerve to segway into the next topic.

“So,” she began. Bucky glanced at her. “So, do you know what triggered you?” she asked. “It will help me prevent it from happening again.”

After a long moment of silence, Bucky turned to her. “I’m not sure.” Shuri smiled kindly, and Bucky turned away. “Or…there was that magazine. Maybe some leftover programming to take out Steve or something.” He kept his eyes downcast and his tone neutral.

“Scoot over,” Shuri ordered, and Bucky complied. She climbed in next to him and lay her head on his shoulder. He tensed but allowed her to press herself against him. Shuri sat there silently, waiting.

It took a long time before Bucky spoke again. Shuri had just about reached the end of her patience.

“You know, don’t you?” Bucky asked, and Shuri pulled his arm into her lap. “Was it that obvious?”

Shuri exhaled amused and turned to press her forehead against Bucky’s cheek. “Tell me,” she said quietly. Bucky’s jaw worked as he thought.

“It’s not easy to know when it first started. The memories are hazy enough as is. But, I don’t know, I feel like it’s always been there. Even before I remember meeting him. It’s like Steve’s been a part of my soul, something that’s been imprinted on me since birth. I mean, how could he not? If you even just look at him…back then, he was so small and sick but there was so much life to him, so much kindness and righteousness. He would get in fights all the time, he was driving me to an early grave.

“But back then,” Bucky coughed. “Stuff like that didn’t happen. Couldn’t. It tore me up a lot, but I was going to be okay with it. And then, of course, there was the war and Peggy Carter, and I could make my peace with it all. Had to. And he was still my best friend, you know? I could have lost him completely,” Bucky swallowed uncomfortably. Shuri murmured her encouragement.

“Like now, you know? Him and Sharon Carter. I don’t…I would rather him happy than anything.”

“Then why are you pushing him away?” Shuri asked, pulling away. Bucky’s brow twitched, and he stared down at his lap.

“Cause I can’t make him happy. Not anymore. He looks at me, he sees his friend, but I’m not him. Not like how he remembers. Hydra took that away from me. I don’t want to hurt him with what’s left,” Bucky said slowly, searching for words. He worked his jaw, looking frustrated.

“I get it,” Shuri said, thinking she did. He didn’t want to see that lost hope in Steve’s eyes, that growing disappointment. Even it meant pushing that man away. “Or at least I think I do. But, White Wolf, it’s making both of you miserable.”

Bucky fell silent. His hand pulled against the bed sheets.

“You guys have a second chance. Despite everything. And I’m not going to let either of you throw that away.” Shuri crossed her arms, staring down the man seated next to her.

“Shuri,” Bucky protested weakly.

“Do you love him?” Shuri asked sharply, and Bucky glanced up at her, his eyes wide.

“Yes,” he admitted quietly.

“Then this,” Shuri said, gesturing around, “has to change. We continue on this path, you’re sad, you relapse, and I’ve got more work to do to keep you from killing anyone. No. Sorry, White Wolf, but something has to change.”

“I can’t tell him,” Bucky said, strangled.

“Why not?” Shuri asked. “How else is he going to find out?”

Bucky’s jaw clenched. “He can’t know. He’s got Carter, and I can’t make him feel guilty about it. He’s already got enough to worry about because of me.”

Shuri regarded him, recalling all the dumb rom-coms she had watched over the years. T’Challa had teased her, but he had learned a lot from it. First, unspoken love was a bitch. Second, there was nothing worse watching two people in love dance around each other for two-thirds of the movie. If there was even a slim chance that Steve could return Bucky’s love…well, Shuri put too much stock in happy endings.

“He might like you like you like him,” Shuri said quietly. She didn’t want to give Bucky hope if nothing came of this, but hope was the only way Bucky would ever find the courage to speak up.

Bucky’s mouth dropped open slightly. “No, not Steve.”

“Why?” Shuri’s impression of Cap was that he would love someone regardless of gender or skin color or any other needless identifier.

“Because he’s Steve. He’s just never had the chance to…” Bucky trailed off and shook his head. “He’s got Carter. He likes her.”

“Something exciting about the twenty-first century is that liking people of both genders is a thing.”

“Yeah, but Steve’s old-fashioned. We grew up in the 30s, things were different.”

Shuri tilted her head. “You grew up in the 30s.”

“Yeah, but I’m me. Steve is… different.”

“White wolf,” Shuri began, “if there’s even a chance, and it sounds like there is, then you should tell him. He won’t hate you for it if that’s what you’re worried about. It won’t make him feel guilty because he knows you would want him to be happy, however it happens. And maybe this is something he’s been sitting on for the last ninety years too. You got yourself a second chance, White Wolf, so don’t waste it,” Shuri finished, surprised at her eloquence. And T’Challa said those rom-coms were a waste of time.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> убирайся - translates as "get out"  
> солдат, отчет о миссии - translates as "Soldier, Mission Report"
> 
> Courtesy of Google Translate.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve came the following morning. He arrived alone, his shoulders pushed back, and his face set in grim determination. He looked terribly alone, and Shuri sensed that he was one bad conversation away from breaking down.

He caught sight of her and approached. He tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes and died almost instantly. “Shuri,” he said, “are you okay?”

“Bucky only lightly maimed me, Cap. No worries,” Shuri joked, stopping at the expression on his face. “Only joking. He didn’t hurt anyone.”

Steve let out a sigh of relief, his fingers tapping against his thighs. “Thank god,” he whispered.

“Thank you for coming. He really needs to see you,” Shuri said, resting her hand on Cap’s arm. Good god, what amazing biceps she thought before refocusing on the more important matters at hand.

“I came as fast as I could. He’s…He’s okay, right?” Cap struggled, his bright eyes darkening.

“He’s really shaken by it. Won’t stop apologizing to me which has gotten to be a little annoying. He’s going to be okay, but he’s still got a while to go,” Shuri replied, neglecting to add how useful it would be if he could confess his love to her depressed brain-washed assassin.

“Do you know how it happened? T’Challa wouldn’t say, but I thought if anyone would know it would be you.”

“I’ve got an idea, but I’m still figuring it out. You should talk to him first, Cap.” It was close enough to the truth to count. Cap nodded, and Shuri showed him the way to Bucky’s room. “Just be honest with him,” she offered, hoping the advice would prove beneficial.

Cap nodded, his gaze set firmly on the door. He opened it and closed it behind him, leaving Shuri alone in the hallway. She quickly bee-lined to the opposite room and opened up the security footage. Yes, she was fully aware of how much of a privacy invasion her spying entailed. Mark Zuckerberg would be proud. But at the same time, she couldn’t resist. How could anyone skip over the best parts of any romance story? It would be like forwarding through all the scenes with Heath Ledger in _10 Things I Hate About You_ , and she couldn’t imagine anything more terrible than that. With a guilty conscious, she opened the video feed.

_The room was the same as she had left it, but Bucky now stood next to the window and Steve had moved to stand by the bed. She knew enough of Bucky’s cues to see he radiated nervous energy, and Steve looked forlorn._

_“Buck,” Steve began. “Are you okay?”_

_Bucky bit his lip and nodded. “Don’t feel like murdering people anymore, so that’s good.” A wry smile crossed his face but quickly vanished when Steve remained unamused. “I’m doing better, Steve. Truly. I just had a…setback.”_

_“What happened?” Steve asked desperately, taking a few steps towards Bucky._

_“I…” Bucky swallowed thickly and he stared down at the floor. “Something caused me to revert to the Winter Soldier. The man you saw on the bridge. So I, um, I lost control to him. To the Hydra programming. Shuri’s gotten rid of a lot of it, but looks like enough remains.”_

_“Jeez, Buck,” Steve closed the distance between them and to Shuri’s delight, pulled Bucky into a tight hug. Bucky buried his face into Steve’s shoulder and clasped on to him._

_“I’m sorry, Steve. I thought I was better than this.”_

_“Oh, Buck,” Steve whispered, “I’m just glad you’re okay.”_

_“I could have hurt someone,” Bucky admitted._

_“But you didn’t. You didn’t.”_

_“But I could have,” Bucky protested, pulling away from Steve. A sour look crossed his face. Steve noticed and grasped Bucky’s shoulders._

_“You didn’t,” he said with force. “We all can do terrible things. Jesus, just look at me. But what’s important is that we don’t. And we can’t feel guilty for things that didn’t happen. We’ve got enough for the things that have happened, don’t we?”_

_Bucky stared transfixed by Steve. Steve stepped back and breathed deeply. The room was silent for a moment until Bucky stepped forward._

_“What’s wrong, Stevie?” he asked, his voice soft. Steve shook his head._

_“Nothin’. Nothing’s wrong.”_

_“Stevie,” Bucky pressured. Steve sat heavily down on the bed._

_“Stuff with the Accords. It’s not…it’s nothing, Buck.”_

_Bucky sat next to him. “Tell me,” he ordered._

_“You’ve got enough to worry about.”_

_“When has that ever stopped me before?”_

_Steve glanced over at Bucky, and his gaze softened, before turning regretful._

_“You know Sharon and I have been working to save my image. People don’t want an outlaw Captain America. They don’t want a disgraced childhood hero. And I don’t want to give them that. Things are already bad enough in the world. We were working with Congress on it. The Media. All of it._ _Fuck_ , _I’m so sick of CNN,” Steve cursed, and Bucky jumped._

_“The twenty-first century corrupt ya?” Bucky teased, and Steve shoved him gently._

_“Fuck off,” he replied, and Bucky laughed a bright, pleased sound. Shuri hadn’t heard Bucky sound so happy before._

_“Shit, Steve. You got through the war without offending anyone’s ears, and it took CNN for you to finally crack?”_

_Steve shoved Bucky again, and a smile crept across his face. “I’ve got some bad influences too.”_

_Bucky snorted. “Clearly. I’m gonna need a word with them. Can’t have Captain America going around cursing up the place. What will all the children think?”_

_Cap chuckled before sobering up. “They’re giving me another chance to sign the Accords. If I do, they’ll pardon me. Nat, Sam, and Wanda too. Take Scott and Clint off of house arrest. They even said they’ll offer a pardon for you too. You could come back with me to New York,” Steve confessed, his voice pained._

_“But you don’t want to sign,” Bucky finished the thought and Cap nodded. “What do Sam and Nat think?”_

_“Sam says no. Nat tells me it’s my decision, but I know she wants me to say yes. She never wanted this to happen in the first place. Sharon wants me to do it. Benefits outweigh the costs.”_

_“But you don’t want to.”_

_“No,” Steve agreed, glancing down into his lap._

_“Anyone tell you you’re too stubborn for your own good?” Bucky asked. Steve looked at him wide-eyed._

_“You think I should sign it?” Steve asked, his voice slightly breathless. He seemed taken aback._

_Bucky snorted. “Hell, even if I wanted you to, it wouldn’t matter. I’ve never been able to convince you to do anything you didn’t want to do, and I doubt it’s going to start now.”_

_Steve fell silent, and he twisted his hands in his lap. His eyes flickered shut. “If you want me to do it, I will, Buck,” he whispered. Bucky watched him for a moment._

_“I would never ask that from you, Steve,” Bucky said, reaching hesitantly out to grab hold of one of Steve’s hands. “Stevie, even though your stubbornness annoys the hell out of me, it’s good. You aren’t someone who betrays your values, for anything. All of us understand that. That’s why we’ve put up with you for so long. So don’t sign this for any of us. We all made our own choices. And that’s what you should do to. Even if it means I’ve got to be stuck in an African paradise, I think I can handle it.”_

_Steve met Bucky’s gaze, and with firm movements, pulled Bucky into another close hug. Bucky flinched at the suddenness of it but settled into Steve._

_“Thank you,” Steve whispered. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you.” Bucky’s eyes shut, and his lips pulled down into a pained expression._

_“It’s okay, Stevie. I’m glad you’re here now.” Bucky bit his lip, and Shuri wanted to yell at the screen to tell him to just say it._

_The two men remained silent, however, and eventually, Steve broke away. He laughed awkwardly. “Sorry to put this all on you. It was on my mind the entire flight.”_

_“Fuck, Stevie. You don’t have to apologize.”_

_“Yeah, well, I was supposed to come to check on you. Not burden you with all my problems.”_

_Bucky smiled softly, the skin around his eyes crinkling upwards. “You’ve been doing it all my life, why stop now?”_

_Steve exhaled in amusement. “Fair enough. Anyway, tell me about one of your problems. That way it’s not so…one-sided.” Steve looked aside abashed. Bucky’s gaze intently followed Steve’s movements._

_“Well, Shuri’s been forcing me to watch a genre of movies she calls ‘rom-coms.”_

_Steve burst out laughing and smiled brightly. “Rom-coms?”_

_“So you’ve also been exposed to this form of torture?”_

_Steve laughed again. “Sam made me catch up on one or two.”_

_“Jeez, I’m sorry. You’ve seen to have come out okay from it.”_

_“I balanced it out with Lord of the Rings and Gladiator. Tell her to show you those instead.”_

_“She’s like you. No matter what I say, she’s going to do what she wants.”_

_Steve smiled even brighter. “Sounds like you’re in a tough spot.”_

_“I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to last,” Bucky grimaced. Shuri made a mental note to up her game and find even sappier movies._

_The laughter racked Steve’s chest and the stress seemed to fall from his shoulders. “Whatever are you gonna do?”_

_“I was hoping you would have an answer for that. I’ve got nothing left.”_

_Steve pretended to think for a moment and shrugged. “Me either. Shuri’s won this one.”_

_Bucky bit his lip again and glanced away. “We’re watching one tonight if you want to stay.”_

_Steve grinned. “So you can share in the torture?”_

_Bucky shrugged. “Might help toughen you up.”_

_Steve shoved Bucky playfully. Shuri wanted to crumple underneath the sexual tension between the two. How could she even pretend chemistry didn’t exist between the two of them?_

_“If I don’t make it out alive, I’m blaming you,” Steve said, his voice light._

_Bucky laughed, that happy sound again. “It would break Shuri’s heart if her rom-coms killed you.”_

_Steve looked ready to say something back, but his expression sobered again. “Buck,” he began, uncertain. Bucky swallowed hard._

_“Yeah?”_

_“Shuri and you…” Steve trailed off. “I’d be happy for you…”_

_Bucky vehemently shook his head, and Shuri didn’t know if she should feel insulted. “No, no. We’re friends. Best friends, according to the friendship bracelets we made. But just friends.”_

_“Okay,” Steve said, a blush warming his cheeks._

_“And you and Sharon…?”Bucky asked, his voice neutral._

_Steve ducked his head. “We’re good. She’s good for me. Had some big piece together in Times. Not sure if you saw that.”_

_Bucky sat still. Shuri watched him concerned. “Yeah, I saw,” he finally said. “You looked happy.”_

_Steve snorted. “Really? The photoshoot was miserable.”_

_Bucky didn’t respond, and Steve glanced up at him, his brow furrowed. Shuri held her breath. It had to be now. He had an opening, and if she could pick up on Steve’s body language, then surely Bucky had seen. And if he had, then he must know._

_“I can show you around the palace, if you want,” Bucky finally said, looking down at his lap._

_Steve looked taken aback for a moment, but quickly recovered. “Yeah, I’d like that.”_

_Bucky offered a restrained smile, and the two men stood and walked out the door._

_Shuri didn’t realize she had clenched her fist until she noticed the nail idents on her palms. Bucky was right. She was stubborn and she wouldn’t rest until she saw Steve and Bucky finally admit their affection towards one another. The only question was how._

* * *

 

“We’re watching the Notebook,” Shuri announced, smiling cheekily. Bucky looked at her with a hint of fear. “It’s a great movie. You’ll love it.” Bucky didn’t look convinced, and Steve smiled.

“Sounds great,” Steve said, plopping himself on the couch. He seemed to have relaxed significantly from his initial arrival, and Shuri knew Bucky was the cause. She had restrained her spying proclivities and let them wander the palace in privacy, but she had seen how Bucky could make Steve laugh. She had seen how they looked at each other.

Bucky shook his head in mock terror, and Steve laughed. He smiled brightly at Shuri, and she felt the floor move out a little underneath her. Jesus, what a beautiful man. If Bucky wasn’t in love with him, she would be even more concerned.

Shuri started the movie, and Bucky snuggled underneath a plethora of blankets. Steve stared at him puzzled. It was pushing 90 outside and even though the A.C. kept the room cold, it couldn’t dissipate all of the heat.

Bucky noticed him looking. “Like to be warm,” he muttered, and Steve nodded. The moment became awkward, but the sight of Ryan Gosling distracted them.

The movie played, and Shuri watched enthralled. Steve also watched in amusement, seemingly enjoying the movie. Bucky had buried underneath the blankets and curled up on the couch. His eyes stared sleepily at the screen, and Shuri scooted over to him.

“Want me to…?” Shuri asked, and Bucky made an indistinguishable sound. Shuri took it as a yes. Shuri began to gently brush through his hair, scratching gently at his scalp. Bucky sighed and his eyes flickered shut.

It had started by accident when Shuri absentmindedly ran her hand through Bucky’s hair when he dozed off during another movie. Her mom used to do it to her when she was little, and it always made her feel safe. In the twilight daze, she thoughtlessly did the same, and at one point, Bucky had awoken and moaned softly. Shuri had continued, and like a cat, Bucky sprawled out and made small noises of pleasure.

Shuri had panicked a bit. She didn’t know how sexual Bucky perceived this, but he seemed content as it was. He wasn’t looking for anything else, just a modicum of comfort. It had saddened Shuri when she realized. Seventy years of cold and metal would leave a craving for gentle touches and warmth.

On the movies when Bucky started to fall asleep, Shuri always made sure to caress his hair. She scattered in small touches when she could. She gave him as many blankets as he wanted. All these small actions opened up Bucky as he started to internalize the disconnection between Hydra and Wakanda.

Steve watched as her as she petted Bucky’s hair. He sat rigidly in the couch, eyes dark as he blinked rapidly. Shuri was once again struck at how lonely he looked.

Shuri thought for a moment and prayed that Bucky wouldn’t hate her for this. Forcing intimate contact between the two could drive Bucky into an even deeper depression as he realized what he was missing. Or it could act as the catalyst to bring them together. At the very least, it would make Steve not so lonely.

She gestured to him, and he looked confused. She gestured again, and Steve caught the hint. He stood quietly and moved to sit next to Shuri. She took one of his hands and guided it to Bucky’s head. The top part of Bucky’s head was the only part of him that remained visible from the mass of blankets. His breathing had steadied, and Shuri knew he was close to sleep.

Shuri led Steve’s hand through Bucky’s hair and figuring that Steve could get the hang of it, scooted off of the couch and sat next to Bucky’s feet. Steve hesitated at first, seeming uncomfortable by the sudden intimacy. However, he continued the motions and slowly began to take to it. Bucky let out a comfortable sigh, and even in the dark room, Shuri caught the hints of a blush.

They continued like that until the movie gradually wrapped itself up. Bucky was fast asleep, so Steve glanced at her questioningly. Shuri gestured towards the balcony, and they cautiously moved away to avoid waking Bucky.

 The night air had cooled considerably and a light breeze blew across her face. She slid the balcony door shut and gazed out onto Wakanda, the city lights illuminating the landscape. Steve walked up to the balcony edge and leaned against the railing, his back bending as he gazed out into the night.

“Steve…” Shuri began, unsure of what to say. “Steve, can I ask you something?”

Steve nodded, glancing back at her.

“Were you and Bucky,” Shuri began, a great pit of anxiety opening in her stomach. The words were pulled from her throat. “Were you and Bucky ever lovers?” She finally said, hoping the word was the best way to convey her sentiment.

Steve stilled, his shoulders tensing. He looked back out across Wakanda. “No,” he replied. “No, we weren’t.”

“Oh,” Shuri said, already aware of the answer but trying to find a way to the heart of the question. “Oh,” she repeated. “Did you,” she broke off again, cursing the feeling of stones settling in her stomach. Talking to Bucky about this had been easy. Talking to Steve felt like fighting against the current she had almost drowned in when she was six. “Did you ever want to be?” She forced out. “And it was you know, the shitty 1930’s homophobia that stopped you two,” she finished nervously. 

“Bucky got a lot of girls back then,” Steve said, clearly not answering the question.

“With those eyes, I don’t see how he couldn’t.” Shuri reflected to the moments he had looked at her and she felt ready to give up eating mangoes if it meant he would be happy. “But that’s now what I asked.”

Steve took a long time to respond. Shuri felt like she was drowning.

“It couldn’t happen back then. I didn’t think about it,” Steve answered, trying but failing to hide his regret under apathy.

“How about now?” Shuri pressured. Steve breathed deeply and let out a small, sad laugh.

“It’s too late for us,” Steve confessed, resigned. His hands trembled. Shuri walked up next to him and lay one of her hands over his.

“It doesn’t have to be,” Shuri comforted. “Maybe this is your second chance.”

Steve pulled away and walked to the opposite side of the balcony. “No. It’s not. We can’t…I can’t do that to him,” Steve agonized. Shuri waited for him to elaborate, but Steve remained silent.

“Steve, he…” Shuri began but hesitated. This was Bucky’s secret, not hers. She couldn’t betray him like that.

“What?” Steve asked breathlessly. “Does he think we were?” A panicked note tinged his voice.

Shuri shook her head. “No. He doesn’t.”

Steve exhaled in relief. “Please don’t say anything to him.”

Shuri bit her lip but nodded. “Steve, there’s no-“ She tried again, but Steve cut her off.

“Shuri, I know what I need to do. Just watch out for Bucky, okay?” His look kept her quiet, but she still caught the flicker of pain in his eyes. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced inside. “Think I’m going to go to bed. Good night, Shuri,” he said, heading toward the door.

“Goodnight, Cap,” Shuri replied, watching his receding form. She looked out at the Wakanda skyline, deep in thought. She gazed unseeingly until a small cough pulled her from her musing. She jerked around, startled and was greeted by Bucky yawning sleepily with a blanket wrapped tightly around him.

“White Wolf,” she said startled, and Bucky gave her a sleepy smile as he moved next to her and wrapped an arm around her. The blanket draped around her, providing her warmth.

“You okay?” Buck asked softly. Shuri nodded, trying to keep back her tears. Her conversation with Steve had taxed her and left her confused and exhausted.

“You like the movie?” she asked, suppressing the upwelling of emotions. Bucky hummed noncommittally.

“Thank you,” Bucky whispered, and Shuri glanced up at him, confused.

“For what?”

“Making Steve do that. If felt nice.”

Shuri smiled gently. Well, at least she had given Bucky that.

“I didn’t tell him,” Bucky confessed after a moment, shame in his voice. Shuri shook her head.

“It’s okay.” Maybe she trying to make this happen too fast. Forcing them together could only end up hurting them both.

 “I just don’t want him to hate me for it,” he admitted quietly.

“He won’t ever hate you, Bucky. Especially not for this,” Shuri comforted, and Bucky shuddered beside her. He didn’t speak again, and eventually, they returned to the rooms and let sleep claim them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a side note, if you haven't seen Snowpiercer with Chris Evans, go check it out. I watched it last night and am still recovering from it. Chris Evans is exceptional in it, and I've always a sucker for post-apocalyptic dystopian class struggles. You can find it on Netflix, and it's really, really great.


	4. Chapter 4

            Steve left the following morning, and Shuri couldn’t help but blame herself for it.

            Bucky watched him leave, cracking a joke that made Steve offer a small smile that didn’t meet his eyes. However, once Steve disappeared from sight, his face immediately fell. He then went on a run, not returning for several hours.

            The following few weeks passed in an uneasy purgatory where nothing happened but something needed to. Shuri spent far too long staring at the ceiling of her bedroom trying to figure out her next step. Bucky was sad, Steve was lonely, and she wanted that to change.

            T’Challa remarked she was looking stressed, and she threw a clementine at him. He, of course, dodged it with ease.

            It was only when she made Bucky watch Jaws in consolation for all the romcoms that an idea finally struck her. Everyone was stressed and upset, she needed to find a way for everyone to relax and not be so stressed and upset, and a beach day might do the trick. Minus the killer sharks of course.

            She would invite Steve and his crew and drag T’Challa away from the throne room. An afternoon lounging at the beach would free them temporarily from all the stress in their lives. Bucky would get to spend more time with Steve, and they would all have a memory that could recall fondly when the next fucked up thing happened. Shuri would also get to see Captain America shirtless, and honestly, that was a good enough reason for her.

            “I’ve got an idea, White Wolf,” Shuri said as the shark chomped on a kid.

            “Oh no,” Bucky replied, glancing over at her. “What is it?”

            “We’re going to have a beach day.”

            Bucky thought for a moment and shrugged. “Okay,” he agreed.

            “I’m going to force T’Challa to come. And I’m going to tell Steve too.”

            Bucky blinked and shrugged again. “Fine,” he said.

            “Cool. So you agree.”

            “Yeah, sure. Most of your ideas are a lot worse.”

            Shuri threw a pillow at him and it bounced off the top of his head. Bucky threw a blanket on top of her in response, and she angrily shrugged it off.

            “You’re going to make me miss the shark killing people,” she muttered, and Bucky grinned. They settled back into a comfortable silence as Shuri’s mind raced through her plan.

            Her proudly titled Shuri’s Beach Day of Relaxation and Fun quickly approached. Steve had agreed to come and would bring Sam, Natasha, and Sharon. T’Challa only sighed in annoyance before nodding yes.

            It was shaping up to be a great day, and Shuri couldn’t wait. Bucky seemed less eager, but that was only after finding out Sharon would be attending. He had also started scratching at some of his scars, and Shuri had angrily rubbed lotion into the aggravated skin. She understood he still felt self-conscious and a beach day probably wouldn’t help, but he had no reason it to be and damn it, Shuri was going to get her Beach Day of Relaxation and Fun.

* * *

            The day arrived, and Shuri had excitedly awoken Bucky who muttered a string of curses. Steve and his group arrived a few hours later, flying in from Washington. Sam had arrived fully prepared for the beach. He wore a tank top with some standard palm tree imagery, bright red swim trunks, and black shades. Shuri’s gaze lingered on him for longer than she would admit. Bucky noticed and chuckled, causing Shuri to jab her elbow into his side.

            Natasha walked out in a black sundress and a black wide-brim hat. She looked amazing, as always. Sharon had dressed in the polar opposite, wearing a bright blue sundress and white sunhat. He smiled brightly upon catching sight of Shuri and Bucky.

            Steve came out last, wearing a loose blue T-shirt and garish America-styled swim trunks. He grinned when seeing Bucky who immediately burst out laughing.

            “Please tell me you didn’t pick them out yourself,” Bucky said between laughter. Steve laughed and shook his head.

            “Hey, give me some credit,” Sam cut in, “We couldn’t have our great Captain America wearing anything less than a patriotic swimsuit.” Natasha rolled her eyes. “So where’s the beach?” he asked, his smile lighting up his face.

            “Right this way,” Shuri said, leading the group in the direction of the lake.

            “Remind me why we’re having a, how do you call it, Beach Day of Relaxation and Fun?” Natasha asked a hint of amusement in her voice.

            “To relax and have fun!” Shuri exclaimed. “That’s why I included it in the name.” Sam chuckled behind her. 

             “I think it’s a great idea,” Sharon added brightly. She smiled up at Steve who nodded. He looped an arm around her, but his eyes remained fixed on Bucky.

            “How’d she manage to convince you to do this?” Steve directed towards Bucky who tensed.

            “I’ve stopped fighting with her,” Bucky replied, and Steve chuckled.

            “The rom coms finally broke you?”

            Bucky nodded somberly. “I tried to put up a fight but it was too much. _Pretty Woman_ finally did it for me.”

            “Hey,” Shuri protested. “I’ve been expanding our selection lately. _Jaws. The Matrix._ _Kill Bill._ Surely those count for something.”

            “Too little too late,” Bucky said gravely.

            “Hold on, you’ve seen _The Matrix_? I can’t even get Steve to watch _Alien_ ,” Sam said in mock outrage.

            “Ooh, that’s a good one. That’ll at least cancel out _When Harry Met Sally_ ,” Shuri added, smiling at Bucky.

            “I’ll watch them, Sam. Just haven’t had the time yet,” Steve protested, and Sam stared at him skeptically.

            “Uh-huh. Sure.” Sam redirected his attention to Bucky. “So red or blue pill?”

            “Red,” Bucky replied instantly, and Sam nodded proudly.

            “Good to see you’re ready to fight off the simulation,” Natasha interjected.

            “Of course. What else do you think we’ve been preparing for?” Shuri joked, and Natasha offered a small smile.

            “Besides watching rom-coms?”

            “Necessary training,” Bucky cut in, and Shuri shot him a proud look. Natasha laughed, and Steve smiled again. Bucky caught his gaze and glanced away, once again biting his lip.

            They walked the rest of the way to the beach joking lightly. T’Challa awaited them, complete with the preparations Shuri had made for their beach day. Food, drinks, beach chairs, umbrellas, sunscreen, the whole deal. She wasn’t about to cut any corners.

            T’Challa greeted each of them, and a moment of awkwardness descended as no one seemed clear on what to do next. Sam broke through it by ripping off his shirt and running into the lake. His muscles gleaned, and a blush spread across her cheeks. She prayed no one noticed, but she saw Bucky smirking out the corner of her eye.

            Natasha rolled her eyes amused, removed her black dress to reveal a stunning black one-piece and followed Sam into the lake. She gestured for everyone else to follow.

            Sharon pressed a kiss against Steve’s cheek, before stripping down into a red bikini. Even Shuri had to admit she looked pretty stunning in it. Steve followed suit, pulling off the T-shirt. Shuri had to keep her mouth clamped shut to avoid her jaw-dropping. She spared a thought for Bucky; if she was this affected, she could scarcely imagine how he must feel.

            “You coming, Buck?” Steve asked, and it took Bucky a second to notice. He pulled off his black tank top, leaving him in black swim trunks. Even though Shuri had seen Bucky in all sorts of states, she was always struck by how beautiful of a man he was.

            His eyes flashed to the webbing of scar tissue on his shoulder, but he steadied himself. He grinned up at Steve, eyes flashing mischievously.

            “Last one to the water is a loser,” Bucky called out, dashing towards the water. Steve let out a sound of protest before sprinting after Bucky. Sharon followed behind, but she couldn’t keep with two super soldiers. Shuri didn’t even try.

            “Shuri,” T’Challa said. “Are you concerned that having both Sharon Carter and Steve here could be a problem?” He kept his voice low, and Shuri watched as the three of them splashed into the water. Bucky had tried to dunk Steve’s head underwater, but Steve ended up dragging them both of them under. They emerged with a large splash.

            Shuri ignored him, taking off her yellow sundress to reveal an intricate white bikini. “I’ve got a kill switch if anything happens.”

            T’Challa didn’t look convinced but neglected to respond. They walked to the water together to join the fray.

            The day passed in a series of bright moments. Sam had rushed up to her and thanked her profusely for finally making everyone do something fun for once. T’Challa had smiled more in the afternoon than she had seen in months. Despite Shuri’s negative pre-conceived notions of Sharon, she turned out to be really cool and easy-going. They would laugh at the antics of Bucky and Steve together, while Natasha made sarcastic comments.

            She played chicken fight on top of Bucky’s shoulders and lost badly to Steve and Natasha. Bucky and Steve had raced each other to the opposite end of the lake and returned in record speed. Steve proudly announced himself as the winner, and Bucky splashed water in the face. The two of them seemed enraptured by the other as they sought ways to constantly splash and tease the other. Shuri’s heart melted a bit, and Natasha had shot her a meaningful look.

            They eventually returned to the beach where they snacked on mangoes. T’Challa, Bucky and Natasha sprawled out on towels like cats. Sharon and Steve started building a sandcastle for no particular reason, and she and Sam started arguing over whether _Star Wars_ really needed that reboot. Sam was strongly against it, citing the prequels, and Shuri admitted that yeah, _The Last Jedi_ really wasn’t that good, but you had to be heartless if _Rogue One_ didn’t make you cry.

            Everyone seemed happy and relaxed, and Shuri considered her Beach Day of Relaxation and Fun a success.

            At one point, she needed to go to the bathroom, so she conceded the argument and pushed Sam aside. She walked back up to the palace, a smile lingering on her face. The walk up took her about ten minutes, so she returned about thirty minutes later.

            From afar, she watched as Sam lay a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, clearly concerned. Bucky faced the lake, Natasha watched him from the sand, T’Challa lay fast asleep, and Sharon and Steve sat closely entangled with each other. Shuri felt her stomach sink and picked up her pace.

            In a flash of movement, Bucky turned to Sam and punched him in the face. Blood spurted from Sam’s nose, and he gasped in shock. Bucky landed another punch against his cheek, causing Sam to stagger to the side. Shuri started sprinting.

            Natasha jumped to her feet, and with quick movements, landed a series of jabs against Bucky. Bucky staggered backwards but reached down to grab sand and throw it in Natasha’s face. Natasha sprung backwards, rubbing at her eyes and managing to dodge Bucky’s fist. She fell to the ground and swept out Bucky’s feet. Bucky landed hard, but sprung back up, crouching and his teeth bared.

            Steve lunged at Bucky, tackling him to the ground. Bucky struggled against him, scratching Steve’s chest. Steve managed to pin Bucky’s legs between his own and grab his hand but lost his grip when Bucky drove a knee upwards.

            Bucky scrambled out from underneath Steve, but Steve grabbed him again. Bucky kicked against him, landing a few. Steve grunted in pain.

            Natasha had recovered enough to wrap her legs around Bucky’s neck and pull him into a chokehold. Bucky grabbed at her, but she remained steadfast. Steve managed to get a better grip on him as Shuri reached the beach.

            “лев бесшумный молоток утро!” she shouted. It was a random string of words with no meaning except that Hydra had seemed fit to make it one of Winter Soldier’s kill-switches.

            Bucky growled upon hearing the first words, but constrained by Steve and Natasha, he couldn’t move. When Shuri finished, he collapsed, his muscles going slack. A dull look crossed his eyes, and he breathed shallowly.

            “Fuck!” Shuri exclaimed, kicking at the sand.

            “What the hell?” Sam muttered, spitting out blood.

            Bucky stared blankly up at the sky, and Steve sat heavily beside him. He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled heavily. Natasha crouched down next to him.

            “Sister,” T’Challa said in a low voice. The fight had startled him awake, and he crouched on the towel. Shuri rubbed hard at her eyes to rid herself of the pricking of tears.

            “I know, brother,” she replied, her chest tight. She had been foolishly optimistic, too eager to revel in the easiness of everything.

            Steve ran a hand across his face and glanced over at her. He then turned back to Bucky and ran his hand through his hair again. “Hey, Buck,” he said softly. Bucky stared blankly at him. “Bucky,” Steve repeated. He looked up at Shuri again, clearly lost. “How did you do this last time?”

            Shuri moved closer to Bucky and crouched beside him. “He was unconscious and woke up as himself. I didn’t use the kill-switch.”

            “So knock him out?” Natasha offered. “And hope he does the same?”

            Shuri thought for a moment. “He’s just…it’s this strand of coding in him that I can’t get rid of. Can’t figure out how to yet. But if we trigger that strand, it might break him out of it. Think of it as an off-shoot of a river where he can return to land.”

            “So what’s this strand attached too?” Natasha turned to Sam. “Did he say anything before relapsing?”

            “Muttering stuff in Russian. But it happened after,” Sam gestured towards Steve and Sharon. Shuri nodded.

            “The strand’s intertwined with emotions about Steve Rogers. That’s why I can’t fully eliminate it yet. Can’t risk affecting those memories and emotional responses,” Shuri explained. After Bucky’s initial relapse, she had spent hours combing through his neural records and theorized a cause.

            “Jesus,” Steve said quietly. “It’s me?”

            “It’s more complicated than that. It’s not you, Steve. It’s specific emotional reactions in response to you.”

            “Like what?” Steve asked distraughtly.

            “I’m not sure yet,” Shuri lied, and she could feel Natasha’s gaze boring into her. “But you’ve got the greatest chance of breaking him out of this. And if not, it’s lights out for him.”

            Steve nodded, breathing deeply. His shoulders tensed as he leaned over Bucky. “Hey, Buck,” he tried again. Bucky stared lifelessly at him. “Remember when we were thirteen and you managed to convince me that there was this swallow heart you had gotten from a gypsy and that if I ate if I would grow another six inches? And I thought you were so full of bullshit, but you seemed so sincere about that and wouldn’t let it drop. Your ma was Roma and you really believed in this stuff. I finally just agreed with you. And then I ate that swallow heart and it was absolutely disgusting but you seemed so pleased. And then I grew an extra inch, and your smile split your face and went on and on about one just had to believe in the old magic? Jesus, Buck, that swallow heart was disgusting. I swore myself off the old magic after that, even if I did gain an extra inch off of it. I was willing to do the craziest stuff for you. Still am,” Steve said, his eyes growing misty. He coughed uncomfortably and searched Bucky’s face for any recognition.

            Bucky stared vacantly for a moment before his brow crumpled as he fixated on Steve.

            “Steve?” he asked, his mouth working hard to form the words. “Stevie, what…what happened?” He gazed desperately up at Steve.

            “Bucky,” Steve sighed in relief, his shoulders falling.

            Bucky’s eyes flickered down and froze on the scratch on Steve’s chest. “Oh god,” he muttered in dawning horror. “It happened again, didn’t it? I…I became…oh god, did I hurt anyone?”

            “You landed a pretty good punch on Sam, but no, Buck, everyone’s okay.”

            Bucky drew in a shaky breath and started blinking rapidly. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “I didn’t mean to.”

            “Hey, hey, I know. I know,” Steve comforted, supporting Bucky up into a sitting position.

            “I’m sorry, Steve,” Bucky apologized, and Steve pulled him into a loose hug.

            “It’s over, Buck.”

            Bucky shook his head and pushed Steve aside. He stood shakily to his feet and drew his hand close to his chest. “I should go. I shouldn’t be here.”

            “White wolf,” Shuri said softly, and Bucky looked at her with a wild expression. “Don’t go.”

            Bucky stared at her in anguish. “What else can I do?” Bucky pleaded, and Shuri closed the distance between them to pull him into a hug.

            “Stay with me for a second,” Shuri said, waiting until she felt Bucky’s frantic breathing steady. “You know what happened, don’t you?” Shuri asked and after a moment, Bucky nodded. “It was my fault. I’m sorry.”

            Steve stood up behind them. “What happened?” he asked, his voice strained. “What did I do?”

            Bucky flinched and pulled away from Shuri. “Steve, it wasn’t you,” he said, turning towards the man. Steve stared at him disbelieving.

            “Shuri said the strand of Hydra that made you relapse is tied to your memories of me,” Steve admitted, and Shuri winced. She had yet to share that information with Bucky.

            “I…” Bucky began, “It’s not you, Steve.”

            “Then what?” Steve asked angrily.

            “I can’t,” Bucky floundered. “It’s not something-“

            “Steve,” Natasha interrupted, and that one unflinching syllable conveyed more meaning than Shuri knew possible.

            Despite it, Steve continued, running a hand over his face. “Please, Buck.” Bucky tore into his lip, and Shuri wanted to reach out a hand to comfort him. Steve took another deep breath. “What caused the first relapse?”

            Bucky blinked rapidly. “I saw the Time’s cover,” he admitted quietly, and Sam muttered a quiet expletive. Sharon froze. Steve ran a hand through his hair, too many emotions on his face to account for.

            “Bucky,” Steve began, his tone too somber for Shuri’s liking. Bucky noticed and seemed to shrink back in himself.

            “I…Steve, I’ve always had you, so now, I don’t, I’m not sure what to do,” Bucky paused, his eyes flashing desperately upwards. “Even in Hydra, I had you.”

            Steve’s brow furrowed in anguish. “How, Buck?” he asked, his voice breaking.

            “They took everything from me, but I somehow managed to keep one memory. And that was, that was the only good thing I knew.”

            Steve let out a sound of pain. “What memory?” He looked on the brink of tears.

            “The smell of fresh tomatoes. When they’re right off the vine. I didn’t know what it meant, but I knew it was important. Knew it made me feel safe. Kept it far back in my mind where they couldn’t touch it,” Bucky drew in a deep breath and stared hard at the ground. “It’s what you smell like, Stevie. Back when we lived in that little apartment and had to grow our own food,” Bucky confessed, his words fragile. “But now, I don’t have you. Not like that. It’s selfish and shitty of me. And that’s why I think, that’s why I think it's happening.”

            The sight of Steve trying not to cry broke Shuri’s heart cleanly in two.

            “You’ll always have me,” Steve protested. “I’m with you till the end of the line.”

            Bucky brought a hand up to cover his face. “Don’t say that to me. You’ve got Carter, Steve. She’s good for you.” His words twisted bitterly and his whole body trembled from the effort.

            “She’s not you,” Steve countered, stepping closer to Bucky. Bucky pushed him away and stared at him enraged. His teeth clenched.

            “You don’t get it, do you?” He said, his melancholy transforming into anger.

            “I think,” Steve started, startled by the sudden shift.

            “No, you don’t. God, Steve. I don’t know how else to say it,” Bucky pleaded, his eyes searching out Steve’s. The stark honesty and desperation in his voice threatened to bring Shuri to her knees.

            Steve hesitated. “I think I do,” he reaffirmed. He neglected to say more, and Bucky stared at him with a tortured look in his eyes.

            “Then that’s that, isn’t it?” Bucky said after a long moment, the self-hatred and pity evident. Steve struggled to find words, and his hands trembled. “If you don’t have anything more to say to me, pal, I’m gonna have to head back. I’ve had enough of the beach.” The tone was harsh and uncaring and frightened Shuri. She couldn’t let him be alone right now.

            Everyone waited for Steve to say more, but he remained quiet. He looked like he was suffering, but he couldn’t find the words, so Bucky finally turned around and took off to the palace. Shuri rushed after him, struggling to keep up with his pace.

            “Go away,” Bucky growled. His face had set in a look of grim determination.

            “No,” Shuri objected. “I’m staying with you.”

            They reached the palace, and Bucky rushed into the first room he saw. Shuri slipped in before he slammed the door behind her and started to angrily pace the room. He turned on Shuri. “I did what you said. And I fucking ruined it. Fuck, fuck fuck,” he cursed. He kicked a chair, sending it careening across the room. Shuri watched him silently as he paced and hissed angry curses.

            Eventually, the fight left him and he slid down the wall. He pulled his knees up to his chest and hid his face. Sobs racked his figure. Shuri waited a moment before sitting next to him. She didn’t yet touch him; he needed to feel alone, and she couldn’t interrupt this.

            The sobs wracked Bucky, and he glanced with red-rimmed eyes at Shuri. “What do I do now?” he whimpered. “I can’t lose him. I can’t. But after this, he won’t-- I ruined it.”

            “It’s not ruined, White Wolf. He needs time” Shuri comforted, pulling herself closer to Bucky and leaning against him.

            “How long?” he asked. “How long?”

            “As long as it takes,” Shuri finally replied, in desperate need to say anything. “He’ll come back to you, Bucky. He always does.”

            Shuri offered as much comfort as she could, and Bucky’s sobs eventually subsided into heaving breaths. He rested his head on Shuri’s shoulder, and she ran hand after hand through his hair. They sat like that for a long time.

            A knock on the door disturbed them, and Bucky flinched. He lifted his head and stared tiredly at the door.

            “Come in,” she called out.

            The door slowly opened in, and Steve walked in his face haggard. He seemed to have aged five years. Bucky whimpered quietly at the sight of him, and the sound alone made Shuri want to cry.

            He took in the scene before him and his expression became even more pained. He eased himself onto the floor and stared at the two of them.

            “I…I’m sorry, Bucky,” Steve began, and Shuri felt her heart sinking. She hoped that Natasha and Sam had talked some sense into Steve. She hoped that enough sense would make him finally confront his feelings for Bucky. At the very least, he owed him an explanation. “It’s not easy for me,” he whispered, his head bowing. He glanced up at Bucky, but looked away, gutted.

            “Steve, I…” Bucky began, but a sharp shake of Steve’s head cut him off. Bucky seemed to shrink in onto himself, his eyes becoming duller.

            “I just have to say it. I just have to,” Steve said with force, his brow furrowing and his hands clenching. He was talking more to himself than anything. He glanced up again, meeting Bucky’s gaze. “On the bridge, I knew. Seeing you again after thinking you had died,” Steve’s voice broke at the word, “I finally realized what I felt for you,” he confessed, his voice trembling. “What I had always felt for you. But back then, it was easier to think it was friendly. It would have hurt too much to think differently.”

            Bucky moved to speak, but Steve shook his head again. Shuri remained as still as possible; she couldn’t interrupt this moment.

            “Realizing what Hydra did to you,” Steve choked up. “What they made you into…it, it put me in a bad place. A real bad place. Because I finally understood the reason I wasn’t scared when I crashed that jet into the ice. It’s wasn’t because of anything brave. I just couldn’t live in a world without you. It was easier for me to not have to worry about what would happen after. How I would go back to Brooklyn and you wouldn’t be there.” He rubbed his eyes angrily. He took a moment to gather himself.

            “I abandoned you. I left you with Hydra. I should have been there for you. I should have gotten you out. But I was a fucking coward,” Steve said with self-loathing. “A fucking coward who took the easy way out.”

            “Stevie, you’re not…” Bucky began, but Steve let out a small, bitter noise.

            “Still am, Buck. That’s why I didn’t really try to follow you. I wanted to find you, but I let you go because I figured I already had done enough damage. But then the stuff with Tony and Zemo. You know when I realized again how terrible of a person I was? How much I had fucked up?” Steve laughed, a broken sound. “When Zemo turned you back into the Winter Solider and had you try to flee, and I realized I couldn’t lose you again. Even if I had to grab that helicopter to stop you. Even if I had to fight Tony. Especially after I made selfish decision after selfish decision to keep from losing you.”

            “And then I realized that I couldn’t be Captain America with you. Not how I was supposed to be. This good, honorable figure who always made the selfless decision to help others over myself. With you, I’m just Steve Rogers. This sad man who doesn’t belong and can’t stop from hurting everyone he cares about. And maybe that’s who I am,” Steve said brokenly, bringing his knees to his chest.

            “With Sharon, I can pretend to be Captain America. I can pretend that things aren’t so bad inside of me. With you, I can’t. You’re my greatest failure, my greatest loss, but my greatest love, and I can’t hide from anything with you. Never could. So it was easier to stay with Sharon. Easier to lie to myself about what I felt for you and to stay away. It was too late for me, Buck. Too late for me to be the person I needed to be for you. So I hid from it instead.”

            .“Jeez, I never thought you would actually feel the same. But what you said to me on the beach, it terrified me. Cause I could no longer pretend otherwise. And Nat said if I didn’t find the balls to tell you this she would cut off the fake excuse of ones that I had. So this is it, Bucky. This is the fucking mess I am. And I’m sorry. For everything I have done to hurt you,” Steve finished, his face twisted in anguish. He tried to suppress a sob but failed.

            “Stevie,” Bucky murmured and reached out his hand to cradle Steve’s cheek. “Come ‘mere Stevie.”

            Steve complied, flinging himself towards the other man. He hugged Bucky and buried his face into the crook of Bucky’s neck. Bucky slowly ran his hand through Steve’s hair as he murmured soft words. Sobs racked Steve’s body, and he clung onto Bucky.

            Shuri took it as her moment to leave, and she stood up as quietly as she could. She snuck out of the room, glancing back at the sight of Steve and Bucky tightly wrapped around each other. Their love confession had put all others to shame, and while it had been brutal, it had been necessary. Finally, these two men might find happiness.


	5. Chapter 5

         Three months have passed from the fateful Beach/Lake day of Relaxation and Fun. Steve had refused to sign the Accords, so he was officially a war criminal and wanted by the U.S. government and UN. Natasha and Sam had stood by Steve and been declared criminals as well. Clint and Scott remained on house arrest.

            Sharon had assumed a role at the CIA after a public breakup from Steve. They cited their differing opinions on the Accords, and she came out of it looking reasonable and professional. The breakup was reportedly amicable.

            Steve, Natasha, and Sam were declared missing, with reports of sightings springing up from numerous countries. The Winter Soldier remained unapprehended. Tony Stark had yet to comment.

            Shuri flicked the news feed, ignoring the calls for Steve to turn himself in. To the best of her knowledge, Steve was in Bucky’s bed and had no intention of leaving anytime soon.

            “Anything interesting?” Natasha asked, putting her feet on the table. Shuri yawned and shook her head.

            “Just the typical. Some dude really wants Steve to find sanctuary in the Ecuadorian embassy. That’s what Assange did, anyway.”

            “Don’t think he’s going anywhere,” Natasha said, smirking. Shuri laughed.

            “Not without Bucky, he isn’t.”

            “What’s that?” Bucky said from behind Shuri. Shuri jumped.

            “I told you to stop sneaking up on me like that!” Shuri said, throwing a blueberry at him. It hit him in the shoulder and bounced off. Bucky grinned, suppressing a laugh.

            “Speak of the devil,” Natasha muttered.

            Steve walked into the room, his footsteps much louder than Buckys. He walked up behind Bucky and pressed a kiss onto his cheek. “Good morning,” he mumbled, smiling. Bucky turned and pressed a real kiss against Steve. Shuri felt her heart flutter.

            “What’s for breakfast?” Steve asked, grabbing Bucky’s hand and leading him to the table. Shuri may have let it slip that Bucky enjoyed small touches, and Steve had taken full-heartedly to it.

            “The usual,” Shuri answered. “Where’s Sam?”

            “Fast asleep. You know how he is,” Natasha said, winking. Shuri glanced down to hide the blush. She had Sam had bonded fast over their love for pop culture, and she could sense the growing attraction between them. It felt like only a matter of time before something more happened. The thought made her stomach flutter.

            Bucky, to her annoyance, noticed and winked too. Only Steve appeared oblivious to it all.

            “So Bucky and I were thinking of going back down the beach today if anyone else wanted to come,” Steve said in between bites of toast.

            “Would this be an officially licensed Beach/Lake Day of Relaxation and Fun?” Natasha asked.

            “Of course. But this time let’s focus on the fun and not the emotional confrontations.”

            Steve laughed, and Shuri was once again struck by how much better he seemed. After he had returned to Wakanda, Shuri had immediately set up therapy for him. SHEILD had offered negligible service, and his depression and PTSD had been left untreated. The therapy was helping, but Shuri would be a fool not to realize that Bucky was the key to Steve’s sudden improvement in mood. Their relationship had bloomed after their pained confessions, and they looked so deeply in love with one another that it made all of Shuri’s rom-coms pale in comparison. Not that she made Bucky stop watching them, of course. _The Princess Bride_ was far too influential of a movie for that.

            “Sounds good with me,” Steve said, pressing another kiss against Bucky’s temple. Bucky’s gaze softened.

            “I’ll tell T’Challa,” Shuri added, yawning. “Beach/Lake Day of Relaxation and Fun it is.”

            Bucky met her gaze and offered a small smile. He already seemed relaxed and impossibly content. These past three months had been good to him; Steve had been good to him. And while he looked at Steve like he was the world, he looked at Shuri like she was the sun that had shone on it and made life possible.

            The way those blue eyes looked at her with so much love always brought her back to the first time he had looked at her with frightened, tired eyes and she had sworn she would do anything to secure his happiness. And to her delight, she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! The story is now finished, and I hope you enjoyed it :)


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